I am a horn player. If anyone at all has any knowledge of how peoples’ personalities have a connection with their instruments, most horn players are stubborn and strive to be perfect. They tend to be very introverted and always want to receive the most credit.
I played a solo at a festival earlier this week. It turned out absolutely awful. I disgraced the composer it was flawed so bad. My lips locked halfway through the song, I didn’t hit the right interval in several areas, I wish I had never played. But, you cannot take back the past… so I am to live with it.
Since I made mistakes yesterday, I am going to practice today. That is how music works. But not many people in my orchestra have that theory. That is why we… suck. I cannot put it anymore plainly than that. I have debated on whether to quit The Band for some time, the ignorance and stupidity is driving me to the edge.
My schedule for the next year is already in, I am in The Band still. I have been in for so long, it seems like a sin to quit now. My heart is in The Band, but the more I try to make us great… the more it tears me apart.
Music is something that is in my blood, something I am not willing to give up. And yet, I am not good enough overall to appease anyone… not even myself.
~Shadows