So many things I regret, so many things I wish I had never done. I realized I learned valuable lessons from each of these mistakes, but maybe… I learned the most by watching exactly what I missed.
When I was hurt the most… exactly one year ago, there was one person who was there for me unconditionally. His name was David. David and I have always been really close, and I went to him whenever I was angry, crying, depressed or even happy. The worst part was, earlier that year I completely ditched him for another guy… and when that guy destroyed me, he was there to pick me up anyway… even though I completely blew him off before. He always took away my regrets and sorrows… he made me feel so loved. I saw an opportunity for love to grow, but I again, blew him off for a different guy. Just another guy that completely destroyed me.
When someone looks past that compassion and love for another lustful feeling, it hurts the person who truly cares and never phases the person who is in lust. David and I could have had a beautiful love blossoming… something beyond description. But I was too caught up in how I felt for someone else; I never had a chance to see the big picture. I never saw that David was the one that cared for me no matter what, and always had… and the man I thought I loved more than life was the one who never loved me…
Now, it’s too late for David and I… he has a beautiful love of his own now. A love I refuse to destroy.
Things would have been so different now if I would have opened my eyes… I had a loving and warm open door, but chose the rocky path to my own destruction instead…
I cry… for it was my loss, my mistake, my true regret.
~Shadow