Yesterday wasn’t my day.
I can tell you now… I hate liars. The people who claim to always have been your friend… and have not spoken one word to you. The people that say, “Oh, I care about you so much and I always have!” and they have not even bothered to even say hello. Does that irritate anyone else? Almost WAITING every day just to expect them to say something… even a simple hello… and it just never comes. Day in and day out you give those people endless chances to prove themselves… and they treat you like the bitch instead.
I am tired of it. I am sick and tired of all the people who claim to be my friend, and are full of shit. I cry, because of that. I cry, because I had hope in something that wasn’t there. I cry, because those people never even cared in the first place.
You never cared. You never offered me help. You never even attempted to be a friend. So don’t claim you have been the “perfect person” all along.
I hope I enjoy myself at the “theatrical performance” we get to see tonight. I hope I don’t have to see what I saw during our WHOLE trip in Florida. It makes me cry. I try to think that I am beautiful, smart, thin and funny… but every time I see “that” it makes me feel like a worthless piece of shit again. And I am going to try to keep myself occupied so I don’t even have to think about it tonight.
* * * * * * * * *
One day, I want everyone to know me. I want to be successful. I want every person who called me the psycho bitch to see that. I want the people who thought I was too inferior to be a friend to see me. Just think, Dr. Samantha *Fill in with future husband’s last name*, PhD. An anesthesiologist, wouldn’t that be something? The people who called me psycho might have to put their life in my hands for a Triple Bypass. Or maybe I can be an actress… I wasn’t Miss “Drama Queen” for nothing. The psycho bitch could even be on TV! Modeling? I am a State Finalist in a Beauty pageant… No one even that knew either. I received my acceptance letter the day after Alex dumped me… ironic, huh? He was going to be the first person I told, but that didn’t work out now did it? I won’t be at the first two days of band camp because I will be at competition, yippee! It’s not a secret any more! Or what if I continue my career in music? Professor of French Horn! Or what about the U.S. Marine Corps Band? Wow… I have an endless sea of options to choose from.
I am in the top 8% of my class (rank 11 out of 131)… right alongside about six 4.0 students. And, I’m getting there too; I have a 3.725 now. I plan to receive a total of a 4.0+ when I graduate. It’s going to be hard, but I can do it. I have an excellent role model… an excellent musician, and he impressed me the most when he showed me his total GPA… of a 4.5. Although I am not as smart, I will still try.
Apparently though, all that and more still qualifies me as a “stupid bitch” in everyone’s eyes.
And sadly, despite all of my possible acheivments and present accmplishments, some still think of me as a worthless nobody. I’m not good enough to be a companion, let alone a friend. I am just destine to be a vagabond.
I look ahead to what I hope for,
And I turn my back on loving you.
~Shadow… or better known as Samantha