I have a friend… no, not just a friend; he is my best friend. He has been my best friend since we were little… since 1st grade. This friend wants to be more than friends…
I love my friend… he means everything to me. He and Shaun loved me when everyone else would. He let me cry on his shoulder, when most everyone else called me a baby. He has always been there for me…
When old boyfriends told me they “loved me more than the world” and that I was “perfect in their eyes” he still was my best friend… and still was even when they completely abandoned me. He stuck around, even when the old boyfriends tried to chase him away.
I love my friend… but I don’t want to be in a serious relationship with him. The absolute only reason is because I don’t want to lose the friendship I have with him. Look what happened with my last relationship… I care about this friend more than I ever could care about some boyfriend. I care about him enough not to break our friendship by getting into a relationship.
I care about the results of any relationship I have… and with him, I never want to put him through the pain. He means too much to me. If things never worked out, if we ever hated each other… I would never forgive myself. I would take it harder than my last two relationships combine.
And… I don’t want to fall in love with him. And a relationship would only make it inevitable.
How could this happen to me?
~Shadow