I am temporarily (probably permanently) leaving JU. Dear someone, I am running away again. The problem was there on the table for us to resolve, but we both turned our heads. I can’t read anything you write, that is why I am leaving. You seemed to have wanted me out of your life completely… so I am cutting off this last form of communication between us. I hope that you are happy now that I am completely gone. We never even got to say goodbye… good or bad, I still find that a l...

I am too bad for the good girls. I have made out with guys, I curse, I am mean… most of the good girls get mad at me and tell me that I am “such a bad person for saying the stuff I say”. I am too good to be a bad girl. I don’t drink or smoke enough, I get good grades, and enjoy studying. They would think I’m a poser. I am not preppy. I don’t play basketball, volleyball, or softball… so that knocks me out right there. I belong nowhere. I don’t fit in. I can’t do anythi...

There’s a new girl on the team… She’s a senior. She was the center forward on the Fisher Catholic team… (I remember her because she was really mean and bitchy… in fact, she walked up to me and said, “yeah, I was the real bitch on the Fisher team.) She tore us apart when we played them. She… is… good… Ashley is this girl’s name. She is an extremely sociable person and started talking to Jess right of the bat. I walked over and said, “Hi, I’m Samantha”. I think I started on...

I dislocated my thumb at practice yesterday. I don’t think I have ever said that many profane words in a row too… We were kicking the soccer ball around with tennis shoes on. Well, being the dumb ass that I am, I slipped over the ball. Doing that, I fell with all my weight on my poor little thumb. It popped out of socket and the rest of my body fell to the ground, particularly on my knee. I cursed… a lot… and rolled it back in place. Dammit to hell, it hurts like a mother fucker. ...

There is nothing sacred anymore. Friendship… Companionship… Intimacy… True love… Nothing is worth the fight anymore. So long ago When love was worth fighting for. When I thought love could conquor all It could never lose, never fall… I proved myself wrong Just to see that love turn against me And hate me with it’s caustic song So long ago When always meant forever Now forever is just another word And love doesn’t exist but in my dreams. If someone can just say goodby...

I have an old blog I was just looking through. I can’t help but cry when I read it. This is full of anger, crying, and how I felt for what seemed like forever. http://morethanme18266.blogspot.com/ You have to read from the bottom up… that is in chronological order. That is how I felt… and I hope everyone is happy. Shadow

Soccer is finally here. God, it seems like only yesterday the girls and I were playing under the lights. It seems like yesterday we were all at Dusty’s house having our last cookout. Sadly, that was the last time I talked to some of those girls until recently. I love soccer… I love my girls (at least most of them). With them, I feel so happy. If I was dumped from a long term relationship during soccer season, I would have recovered within a week… honest to God. Because, I would have ...

The fear of hatred is on the top of your mind, I understand. We have identified many a relationships gone acerbic, giving both of our hearts doubt that we too would end up like those unmeaning, bitter people. Like I, like him, like close friends of ours… him and I do not want that hatred between us. Oh, I can assure you that I love you… we shall never let what we have convert to a bitter hatred in the end. I will do anything to earn your hand. I will not give up, or fall into a crue...

I prayed for this heart to be unbroken My prayers have been answered Yearning for words that were never spoken And finally were. This happiness came with a single look A voice mail on my phone Two missed calls and a uplifted heart I think I’ll no longer be alone… Listening to the voice on the other side Wanting to talk, willing to listen The deep caring voice of one I’ve loved forever Has come alive dancing in my soul Nervous heart, shaking hands Wondering what’s in these f...

Looking out and watching the rain Reminds me when I bathed in pain Blood and violence, nothing to spare There was nothing left of me to share I would lay in silence on the floor Wondering where to find an open door Looking and searching for that missing key How did this happen to me… Then there came an angel into my life Who grabbed my hand and put down my knife He made me feel beautiful, he made me see How wonderful this girl can be The angel that wiped away my tears Was t...

I never meant to hurt you. My intentions were completely pure… I care about you more than the world and the last thing I ever want to do is lose you as my best friend… When I held your hand… it wasn’t to invoke jealousy… it was a way to see if there was any spark, any connection between us. But, I made you upset, confused, and I almost lost you as a friend… so let me explain. This is for everyone else… I am not as dumb as I look people… When someone came up and asked me if I was ho...

The ACT… wasn’t as difficult as I anticipated. Actually… I probably did better than half of the idiots I was roomed with. Most of them were big, stupid football studs that spent 15 minutes on each test and then fell asleep. Alysha (acband girl) went with me (actually, she is the one who inspired me to test with her). Her parents were helping with the test so I also got a ride home and a free lunch! Thank you Alysha’s parents! I knew most of the information, read the material thoro...

I think I love you But I don’t know You are my best friend And am I willing to risk it all To have it be lost in the end? An unstable future lies ahead Should I risk my future, To be yours instead? You have always cared Always stayed by my side Wiping away the tears we shared Holding your hand, looking in your eyes Knowing that the future could destroy us … I’m sorry… But I just don’t want to say goodbye. I thought I loved you But now I know It’s the friendship Th...

Tomorrow I take my ACT for the first time. Does anyone have any good advice or tips for taking it? I have never taken a strait 4-hour test before. The OGT took a total of 12 and a half hours, but that was 2 and a half hours a day for 5 consecutive days… and I never even used most of that time. It took me about 45 minutes to complete the math section (double checking answers and everything); which is my poorest subject… and I still received an advanced rating. Math tends to be my stro...

This love burns my essence It burns my soul to ashes This love runs through my entire body And flames prevail in my being Your eyes, your lips My desire to only see You hand, your heart Both my desire to hold How could I have been so blind That you were the only love I had But I wasted my love on others Who turned my heart to dust So the glasses of whiskey ease my pain To numb it only for a moment I drink away the anticipation Listening to every lie So I still sit her...